New fitness tracker measures sexual performance

“Have you ever wondered how many calories you’re burning during intercourse? The duration of your sessions? Frequency? How many different positions you use in a week, a month or a year?

Nope, can’t say I have either, but perhaps I’m a bit old-fashioned that way.

An eye-catching piece of advertising copy heralds the launch of the latest fitness tracker to hit the market, but this is wearable technology taken to a whole new level.  

Move over Fitbit, here comes i-Con, "the world's first smart condom".

Aside from being ‘punny’, i-Con is technically not a condom.

Instead, we’re talking about a reusable 'smart condom ring', equipped with a nano-chip and sensors, that sits over the base of a condom — any condom will do — and measures in real time a man’s  umm … performance in the bedroom department.

Makes my daily step-count routine seem positively pedestrian.

Anyway, once the session is over, users can download the data onto whatever device they want to share "with friends, or, indeed, the whole world".

Seriously, why would anyone want to do that?

According to the manufacturer, British Condoms, i-Con has a USB port so it’s easily rechargeable, and it is so unobtrusive “you won’t even know it’s there”.  

What’s more, it’s guaranteed to fit all shapes and sizes, the company proudly states.

Among its impressive features, i.Con can record speed of thrusts, the total number of thrusts, frequency and duration of sessions and average velocity of thrusts.

Eeek! I’m exhausted just thinking about it.